Letter # 15 – To the older sibling I’ll never have
(I decided to start with letter number 15 to make sure that I finish this challenge. Because I find that counting up would make it so much easier to quit midway because it wouldn’t be very noticeable)
this entry is for someone who doesn’t really exist… The next ones will be for people who do. 🙂
Dear older sibling I’ll never have,
In all my years living in this world, I never wished for an older sibling.
Except now – Now that I fully realized how hard it is to be the firstborn child. Now that the pressure is on me. Now that I need someone older to talk to, to run to for wisdom. No, I don’t want to talk to my parents, grandparents, uncles and aunties. I want to talk to an older sibling.
For you, I know, would be able to tell me what to do because you probably know better than me. Living in the same generation would allow you to tell me things I could relate to and lessons that are relevant to our current situation. I don’t want to listen to old folk’s tales of yonder for those things, those gadgets and those rules don’t exist anymore. I wan’t to listen to someone who lives in the now in order for me to live better in the now.
Imagine how many stories we could share. I need someone to tell all my problems to. I need someone to tell my deepest and darkest secrets to – things I don’t want our parents to know but would like someone, just one person to know about and to tell me what I should do.
If you were a boy, we could have played sports together. I would probably have kicked your ass in soccer and I would have competed with you in almost everything. You would have taught me how to deal with girls and I would have listened. You could be my wingman and I, yours. We could share stories, have talks that only men could talk about, you could have saved me from those bullies and the mere mention of you would make those who attempt to bully me shiver in fear. I would have borrowed your clothes and shoes, I would have tried to imitate you and develop a personality of my own depending on what I see from the example that you set. Imagine the fun that we could have had.
If you were a girl, I’d run to you when I’m heartbroken. I’d ask tips about how to properly and successfully win the girl of my dreams. I would ask you to help me study for I know that girls can be more studious than boys. I’d probably hit on some of your friends or tell you that I crushed on some of them. I’d go to you for fashion tips. We’d talk about the deeper things in life. We’d have coffee, watch movies and the like. If you were sporty, I’d play with no mercy. I’d seek your advice on just about everything but not everything. From you, I would know how to treat girls in the best way possible. If you were true and alive, I’d probably be more organized, studious and I’d have gotten way higher marks. From you, my masculine and sexist perspectives would have been completely erased even before I went to school. Imagine the bond that we could have developed.
It’s hard, dear sibling whom I’ll never have, and I know now how you’d probably feel if you were real. I want you to know though that I’d have supported you. I’d have helped you. Give you unsolicited advice; probably crappy and something that you already know, but sincere nonetheless. It’s the thought that counts right? I would have cheered you up and cheered you on. I would have told you how much I appreciate you (or not because I’m not that expressive). I would be there for you if you needed any help and courageously try to stand up for you and protect you from those who try to break your heart or break your nose.
Thank you. For this reflection in letter form taught me how I should be with my younger siblings. That’s what I’ve been missing and that’s what I will do. See? Despite your non-existence in my life, you’ve helped me reach an important realization – one that I know I could and should do at this very moment. I’ve been trying to be the best older sibling there is, believe me; but I know I could do so much better.
I need you, older sibling – but you don’t and won’t ever exist.
But they need me too, my younger ones – because they are real. So I think I’ll just focus on that.
your younger brother,