Letter # 3: To my ex
(Okay so I’ve had 3. But this letter is only for one ex. So if you so happen to be my ex and you’re reading this and you feel that this one is for you, then it probably is. If you so happen to be one of my friends and you’re reading this and you feel that you know who this letter is for… PLEASE LANG WAG NIYO AKONG ILAGLAG. WAHAHAHAHA!)
Hi, I miss you. HAHAHAHAHA! Joke!
I’m torn. A part of me hopes that you will get to read this someday while the other part hopes that you won’t. Nevertheless, I write this and publish this knowing that it’s a risk I have to take. (Just like the risk I took when I told you I loved you. HAHAHAHAHA. Cheesy amp.)
Please don’t misinterpret this letter. I’ve moved on. It’s just that there were so many things I wanted to tell you and ask you that I never quite got the chance to because of the whirlwind of events that transpired. I got caught off guard that all I was able to feel was
what the f*^& just happened?
First thing I want to tell you is something that I could not bring myself to admit (at least, publicly), until recently, is that our break-up destroyed me. It may not have appeared that way and I might have appeared to be fine on the outside but believe me when I tell you that it really, really broke me down much more than anything that I’ve ever experienced before. I had to put up bigger walls around me just so that people, even my closest friends, couldn’t see what I was feeling. I would have been a good case study for psych students and sociology students when it came to coping mechanisms.
The second thing? I think, and so do most people who know the story, that the reason for our break-up wasn’t the real reason for our break-up. Were they, really? Probably, you knew me best of all that you knew what reason to give me that assured you that I will not be able to fight back and fight for us. Probably, you knew me best of all that you knew what to say that would just make me agree to what was going to happen. Probably, you knew me best of all that you just knew you could do it. You knew the words to comfort me and God forgive me, I hung on to each and every word and promise that you said mindless of how painful it was going to be and how stupid I was going to look for letting you go.
In connection to that, I probably knew you best of all to know that the reasons you were giving me that day weren’t the real reasons why we did what we did which was to end a 13 month relationship. I probably knew you best of all to just remain silent and listen to your reasons and let you speak your mind. And I probably knew you best of all to know that no matter what I did or said, I wouldn’t have changed your mind and your heart.
I hope that someday I’ll be able to talk to you and find out why this all happened. We had plans. What happened?
This is getting heavy. So let me just lighten up the letter by saying that
I saw you with this guy sometime last year. You didn’t see me which is good for I wouldn’t have known how to act. That’s when I realized how truly devastated I was. Intense lang talaga. Hahaha. Paano kaya kung nakita niyo ako? How would you have acted? Hahaha. Weird.
I don’t want to prolong this letter anymore as it’s going to be too dragging especially for those who don’t really care about my exes. Maybe if you get to read this then it will serve as a springboard for a deeper conversation. Or not.
So I’ll do my part by saying sorry. That I wasn’t enough and that I couldn’t give you the fairytale romance that most girls dream they would have. Sorry if I hurt you or made it hard for you. Sorry.
Of course this letter wouldn’t be complete without thanking you. For everything you did, everything we did together and everything we had.
Okay, This is getting to cheesy.
What we had wasn’t ideal, it was far from perfect, but it was great. Too bad, something just had to get in the way.
I loved you most of all.
I just had to move on.
See you when I see you,
Eto isa sa mga naging kanta ko dati. AHAHAHAHA! Enjoy. Seriously, to whoever will be the next guy, hope he’ll take care of you better. 🙂
♪ ♫ Will he love you like I loved you? Will he tell you everyday? Will he make you feel that you’re invincible with every word he’ll say?♩ ♬ ♭ ♮